Dear Civilians, Friends, Draft-Dodgers
In the very near future the undersigned will once again be in your midst, dehydrated and demoralized, to take his
place once again as a human being wit hthe well known forms of freedom and justice for all; engadged in life, liberty and
a somewhat pursuit of happiness. In making your joyous preparations for welcoming him back into organized society, you must
take certain steps to make allowance for the crude environment which has made his lot miserable for the past twelve months.
In toehr words, he might be a little Asiatic from Vietnamesitis and Overseasitis and should be handled with care. Do not be
alarmed if he is infected with all forms or rare tropical diseases. A little time in the "Land of the Big PX" will cure his
Therefore, show no alarm if he insists on carrying a weapo to the dinner table, looks around for his steel pot
when offered a chair, or wakes you up in the middle of the night for guard duty. Keep cool when he pours gravy on his dessert
at dinner or mixes peaches with his Seagram VO and insist on fingers and hands instead of silverware, and prefers c-rations
and dust to steak. Take it wit ha smile when he insists on digging up the garden to fill sandbags for the bunker he is building.
Be tolerant when he takes his blanket and sheet off his bed and puts them on the floor to sleep on. When in his daily conversation
he utters things such as "xin Loi" and "Choi Hoi", just be patient. He will learn to speak his own language quicker the nyou
think. Do not let it shake you if when on the phone, he says things such as "affirm" or "negative" or "roger that", or simply
shouts "working". Leave camly and quickly if by some chance he says "didi" with an irratated look on his face.
It is suggested
that remarks not be made about the neatness of the uniforms of the Marines, Navy or Air Force but have a word of praise for
his Class A's. Never ask wh ythe JOnes kid held a higher rank then he did. And above all, never mention the word "extend"!!
Ig you are out to one of your favorite night clubs and after a few hours of drinking he suddenly calls the waitress "number
one girl" or uses his hat as an ashtray, he is still rational. He will probably keep listening for Homeward Bound" to play
KLIK(or AFVN). If he does, comfort him, for he is still only reminiscing. Be especially watchful when he is in the presence
of women, especially beautiful women. His intentions will be strctly sincere, but dishonorable. Above all, keep in mind that
beneath that rugged exterior there is a heart of gold (the only thing of value he has left). Treat him with kindness and tolerance
and an occasional fifth of good liquor and ytou will be able to rehabilitate that which once was the happy-go-lucky guy you
knew and loved.
Last, but not last, send no more mail to the APO, fill the ice box with beer, get the civies out of mothballs,
fill the car with gas and get the women and children off the streets because, THE KID IS COMING HOME!!!!!
I'm so short.....I left yesterday.....!!